Thursday, February 3, 2011

scarf


Finished my first crocheted wool scarf today. It took a while to make, I'm assuming because it's my first and because I apparently did a rib stitch. Not sure what I'll make next.

Kinda feeling lonely tonight. Funny how even tho I have roommates I'm feeling alone. We have some stuff in common, but there's some kind of communication disconnect between us. Or maybe the loneliness, maybe it has to do with being by myself all day at work, having little contact with the outside world except through the internet or running errands, trading off mundane comments between the other building tenants or the clerk at the takeout counter. I feel so disconnected with people today - like watching them being alive vs. being a part of the crowd and part of life. I also feel like whatever I've done today isn't productive in any way. I'm missing the 'fulfilling' part of life. That's why I did the scarf, so I would feel I did something productive. The thing about creating is that it's also futile. The creation of something instantly makes it dated. By finishing it, the creation begins its life and is in danger of wear/loss/being thrown away. I think I've struggled with this for a while - what becomes of all the stuff I create? It's important to me but even if I spend hours making it - someday there will be an end to it. And what if nobody likes it?