scarf

Finished my first crocheted wool scarf today. It took a while to make, I'm assuming because it's my first and because I apparently did a rib stitch. Not sure what I'll make next.

Kinda feeling lonely tonight. Funny how even tho I have roommates I'm feeling alone. We have some stuff in common, but there's some kind of communication disconnect between us. Or maybe the loneliness, maybe it has to do with being by myself all day at work, having little contact with the outside world except through the internet or running errands, trading off mundane comments between the other building tenants or the clerk at the takeout counter. I feel so disconnected with people today - like watching them being alive vs. being a part of the crowd and part of life. I also feel like whatever I've done today isn't productive in any way. I'm missing the 'fulfilling' part of life. That's why I did the scarf, so I would feel I did something productive. The thing about creating is that it's also futile. The creation of something instantly makes it dated. By finishing it, the creation begins its life and is in danger of wear/loss/being thrown away. I think I've struggled with this for a while - what becomes of all the stuff I create? It's important to me but even if I spend hours making it - someday there will be an end to it. And what if nobody likes it?

Quote I came across today

May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you're wonderful, and don't forget to make some art -- write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself.

via this post

New Year 2011

I finally finished a project I've been working on for a while. It's not the prettiest thing, but I'm proud that I stuck through with it and finished it. I present the knitted 'wave' blanket - of which I found a pattern on some online blog for, memorized and then proceeded to knit for over a year. I took the summer off, since it's so deathly hot in my apartment. So maybe it was more than a year, but it's done.

I'm looking forward to 2011. I'm at a better point than I was last year at this time. I didn't reach all my goals from last year, but this year I intend to take them in smaller chunks which should help.

new year

Soo

2010 is almost at a close.

Things to do next year:

draw more

write more

make more money, seriously, I'm tired of scraping by

Learn a song for memory on my guitar.

animate something awesome. maybe learn to make a game in flash. maybe. Kinda miss animation though it takes a lot of time and pain

Things I'm looking forward to

Trip to Hawaii and seeing my friend Dosh's wedding

Getting scuba certified. It will be done

spend more time with friends in the real world.

Go to Poland to a. visit my granduncle's grave so I can say my final goodbye. and b. visit my cousin and the new baby.

Big goal:

Get an illustration published.

IDEAS ARE BULLETPROOF.

IDEAS ARE BULLETPROOF.
Originally uploaded by ZOMBIEHIPP

Today's the 5th of november.

Running

I ran to work this morning - from the train station to my office. Well, almost the whole way which is pretty impressive to me. I've finally ran in my new sneakers!

goal

I have two goals in mind.

One is artistic, the other is just to see if I can do it.

1. I will get an illustration published where a lot of people will see it (and get paid for it).

2. I will run a mile.

The first is a goal that I will have to work on by drawing quite a few fully realized illustrations, in my style. I'm thinking this will take at least 10 drawings of which maybe one will be something I consider good. If I do 10 drawings a month - that would be, what three a week? But I don't want to focus on finishing them quickly, I need to find my style and really work on the art. I seem to like to start a drawing or painting and finish it quickly. Ok so maybe I"ll have to do a bunch of small drawings weekly, and focus on the big one in pieces. I may need some guidance.

The second goal - well that one is the hardest in my mind, for a number of reasons. I'm not unhealthy (in my opinion). I can do lots of cardio. I walk for miles on end, you won't hear a peep from me. But I absolutely hate running. And I somehow lose track of breathing when I do run so I make it maybe 2 1/2 city blocks before my beet-red face has to stop to gasp for air.

So why do it? Because I think I can't. I have never managed to run a full mile - and that includes during basketball conditioning with an old drill Sargent drilling me the whole mile on the subject. I would always have to stop and catch my breath. We did a "fun" run in grade school that involved racing around the school and gym, every year, at the end of the year. I never made it. I did enjoy the orange slices they gave us and made frequent stops at the water stations. But I never ran the whole time. I was also a last-place finisher in the 100 meter dash in middle school. I'm a shorter than 100 meter dash burst of running kinda gal I guess. But I don't want to be limited by what I've been in the past. I want to be able to finally have run a mile. I'll have to start by seeing if I can run around my own block...